Entry 14: The Cornell 7
The Cornell 7. A story that has taken over the media for the last two weeks. If you haven't heard about it, wow, you must really be in your own bubble. I highly encourage you to do your own research and learn about it for yourself. For those who have heard about it, are you also pissed?
About a week and a half ago is when I started to see it on TikTok and Instagram. The story made me sad, angry, disappointed, but I think the worst feeling I didn’t feel was surprise. Sad for Jane Doe. Sad for every woman who has experienced sexual assault or abuse of any kind. Angry at Cornell University. Angry at the police department who didn’t handle the case correctly. Angry at the men who did it. Disappointed (and angry) at the men who were in the group chat that did nothing. But again, not surprised.
According to RAINN, there are 443,634 reported rape and sexual assaults cases each year for ages 12 and over. It is expected that over half of sexual assaults in the United States go unreported.
In 2021, I served as the Vice President of Personal Development for the Panhellenic Association at Indiana University. One of my duties was running the Safe Sisters organization, which was dedicated to supporting and educating members of the Indiana University greek community on sexual violence. During this year, IU was having an unprecedented amount of sexual assault cases be reported, and majority of them took place at fraternities. My fellow executive board members knew we had to acknowledge what was happening and find a way to help the victims but also educate people and prevent as many cases as possible.
We created a presentation and worked alongside the the Office for Sexual Violence Prevention and Victim Advocacy at IU. A couple of other Safe Sisters members and I presented to all 27 fraternities. Some were receptive, some were kind and understanding, but most couldn’t have had given two shits about what we were saying. Boys would be on their phones. Boys would be falling asleep. Boys would be having side conversations. It was the most disheartening and frustrating thing to experience. I couldn’t make them care. It didn’t matter to them. They didn’t think it was their problem.
I'm proud of the work I did during that time, but I knew nothing I did would have enough power to create real and lasting change. Safe Sisters is still going strong at IU, and I'm proud of where the organization is today. Unfortunately, sexual assault cases at IU have only continued to increase.
We’ve all heard the phrase “not all men”. This phrase is right, it isn’t all men. However, it is almost always a man. It’s funny how practically every woman has a story of some kind but men can’t believe that any of their friends could have done something to harm a person.
Realistically, women know it is not all men. But we have no way of knowing which men are safe and which aren't. We often feel we have to view all men as potential threats until they prove otherwise. From a young age, women are taught to lock their doors as soon as they get in the car. Check the back seat before getting in. Don't walk alone at night. Don't wear headphones so you can hear your surroundings. Watch your drink. Carry pepper spray. Put your keys between your fingers in case you need a weapon. Smile at men and be nice so you don't upset them, but don't be too friendly or you might give them the wrong impression. The list goes on and on. It's exhausting to constantly feel like you're on high alert.
Going back to Cornell 7, the part that gutted me the most was that there were 57 men in that group chat. Seven men were the ones who assaulted Jane Doe which means there were 50 bystanders. Fifty men received the notification. Fifty men read the messages. Fifty men ignored them. Zero didn’t speak up. Zero stopped the situation. Zero held their fraternity brothers accountable. In my opinion, those men are just as guilty and should be punished. Whether they saw the notifications during or after, they all knew.
I think men are often afraid of saying the unpopular thing. I think some of them want to tell themselves, "Well, it wasn't me. I didn't do anything wrong." Well, Chad, you knew, and you did nothing.
Holding your friends and the men in your life accountable is incredibly important. It can be done in big ways, like stopping a situation like this, or in smaller ways. Telling them a sexist joke isn't funny. Telling them that the way they speak about women is disrespectful. Not being afraid to speak out when you know something is wrong. I have no problem telling my friends when I think they're wrong or saying something unfair. (Keep in mind, my friends are amazing people and don't do or say harmful things.) My point is that you have to hold the people in your life accountable.
You shouldn't be afraid to speak out about something you know is wrong. I think men sometimes fall into a mob mentality of, "Well, he laughed, so I guess it's funny and I should laugh too." In my opinion, this mindset starts with the phrase "boys will be boys." This phrase condones poor behavior and excuses things that aren't okay. Just because someone is a certain gender doesn't give them an excuse or a pass to treat people badly.
Every woman was told as a young girl, "If he's mean to you, that means he likes you."
I'm sorry, what?
And we believed it! We thought the boy on the playground who made fun of our clothes had a crush on us, or that the ones who ignored us secretly liked us. What does this teach young boys and girls? That boys can get away with being mean because they're boys, and girls have to accept that behavior because it actually means they're liked?
Absolutely not.
The older I have gotten, the more I realize how fucked up things are. In all disgusting reality, the men from the Cornell 7 won’t have anything happen to them. Yes, some have lost their jobs, but once the media has found the next topic to move on to, they’ll be okay. In even harsher reality, the only reason they had that consequence is because of the media attention. Hell, Cornell only made 5 of them write an essay. When I was in college and got caught drinking in the dorms, I had to pay $500 and go to a class where I was told I was an alcoholic!
If the Cornell 7 don't face criminal charges or aren't found guilty, their lives will continue as normal. Just look at Brock Turner. Jane Doe will always live with that pain, trauma, and fear. And that sends a message to other men that they can get away with harmful actions. Look at the President!
We all know a Jane Doe in our lives, whether we realize it or not. If you are a Jane Doe, I am so sorry. You are heard, you are loved, you are cared for, and you are believed.
This has been a really hard entry to write but I think it’s important. We need to become more comfortable with talking about things like this. You can’t ignore it. We have to hold the people in our life accountable.
I hope the Cornell 7 and every other man who has ever laid hands on a woman without her consent, burn in hell. You are the worst kind of person and should be castrated.
Below are resources if you need them.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: (800) 656-4673
RAINN: https://rainn.org/help-and-healing/hotline/
Sincerely,
Courtney